As I welcomed the joy of Easter last Sunday, woke up on the Easter morning, I smelled a new smell of resurrection. And rising up with Him on the big day, I reflected on my journey. How did I came to know Jesus and when did it started? What brought me to Him?
Honestly, all the tasks this earth gave dried me up in the inside. Finding quality times to be alone with myself and my Father seemed to be one of the hardest things to do when this world keeps on throwing its empty desires to me to be fulfilled. Whether I want it or not, I just had to face them. But I thank Him for not abandoning me despite of my selfishness and stubbornness.
I don't have any memory on my baptism day. So whenever I want to 'recall' back on that big day of mine I'll open up the photo album and see myself there on the day I receive Him for the first time.
I grew up as one of His daughter. Learning how to pray, knowing Him, I spent my childhood living as a normal kid. But I was not really aware of His presence, His wonders, His powers, how He works in me, until the day I heard the call.
I was 13 that time. One of my primary school friends, Jess, came to my class asking if I want to join them at the altar, to serve. I gave her a quick 'yes', not aware that He had been knocking at my door a while before.
So there I was, being at church every weekend, learning, practising. I learnt a lot. Liturgy, all the things used on the altar, what, why, how, when. A lot.
The day arrived, my first service, one of the most nerve wrecking moment in my life, one of the important chapters on my timeline. The moment I put my cassock on and look at myself in the mirror, something warm filled me inside. Walking to the altar, candle in my hands, eyes around me, and His cross in front of me.
I feel special.
Not everyone could have those kind of chances. I remembered the priest said to us, the new altar servers, "you got the chance to be at the nearest position with Jesus."
As a first timer, my hands did shook a lot. I did not like to be stared, so it took a huge courage to be in front. But as time flew by, I got used to it. I took the examples shown by His disciples. They inspires me, giving me the courage to be a little bit like them. I wanted to be a good guide on what to do during mass. So, I did my very best to show good examples in front hoping that I could at least be useful and most of all, hoping that they'll see Him through me.
As I go deeper into my service, He too, began to go deeper, deeper and deeper in me. Slowly, and in a very wonderful way I started to see how He works, how wonderful His wonders could be to those who believe. He showed me things not all people can see, let me feel the feelings not all people can feel.
The altar has been another important part of me. Sometimes, when I walked to the altar at the beginning of mass, I felt as if I am walking on the isle for my wedding..as if I am getting married.
I love it whenever I light up the candles, carry the cross, ring the bells, preparing the priest attire..what else, everything. I feel so close to Him.
When I reflect on all of this, I realised that He had been knocking on my door earlier than I thought. Once, when I was 8, my grandma told me that she wanted me to be an altar girl. I did not know much about it that time. So I did not give much respond on it. But then, He did not give up on me. He continued knocking. I realised, I met Him a few times, somewhere along my journey, in the face of the people I met. But I was not aware that was Him, just like the story in the Bible. On their way to Emmaus, the two followers did not realise that it was Jesus they had met. When He took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them, only then their eyes were opened.
He knocked, and knocked.
He appeared to me in my service as an altar server. I am glad I got to know Him more through it. I know that He had chose me. Despite of all my wrong doings, my selfishness, still..He accepts me in His arms. He never failed to win my heart. With that, I know..no other knocks echo as His.
I grew up as one of His daughter. Learning how to pray, knowing Him, I spent my childhood living as a normal kid. But I was not really aware of His presence, His wonders, His powers, how He works in me, until the day I heard the call.
I was 13 that time. One of my primary school friends, Jess, came to my class asking if I want to join them at the altar, to serve. I gave her a quick 'yes', not aware that He had been knocking at my door a while before.
So there I was, being at church every weekend, learning, practising. I learnt a lot. Liturgy, all the things used on the altar, what, why, how, when. A lot.
The day arrived, my first service, one of the most nerve wrecking moment in my life, one of the important chapters on my timeline. The moment I put my cassock on and look at myself in the mirror, something warm filled me inside. Walking to the altar, candle in my hands, eyes around me, and His cross in front of me.
I feel special.
Not everyone could have those kind of chances. I remembered the priest said to us, the new altar servers, "you got the chance to be at the nearest position with Jesus."
As a first timer, my hands did shook a lot. I did not like to be stared, so it took a huge courage to be in front. But as time flew by, I got used to it. I took the examples shown by His disciples. They inspires me, giving me the courage to be a little bit like them. I wanted to be a good guide on what to do during mass. So, I did my very best to show good examples in front hoping that I could at least be useful and most of all, hoping that they'll see Him through me.
As I go deeper into my service, He too, began to go deeper, deeper and deeper in me. Slowly, and in a very wonderful way I started to see how He works, how wonderful His wonders could be to those who believe. He showed me things not all people can see, let me feel the feelings not all people can feel.
The altar has been another important part of me. Sometimes, when I walked to the altar at the beginning of mass, I felt as if I am walking on the isle for my wedding..as if I am getting married.
I love it whenever I light up the candles, carry the cross, ring the bells, preparing the priest attire..what else, everything. I feel so close to Him.
When I reflect on all of this, I realised that He had been knocking on my door earlier than I thought. Once, when I was 8, my grandma told me that she wanted me to be an altar girl. I did not know much about it that time. So I did not give much respond on it. But then, He did not give up on me. He continued knocking. I realised, I met Him a few times, somewhere along my journey, in the face of the people I met. But I was not aware that was Him, just like the story in the Bible. On their way to Emmaus, the two followers did not realise that it was Jesus they had met. When He took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them, only then their eyes were opened.
He knocked, and knocked.
He appeared to me in my service as an altar server. I am glad I got to know Him more through it. I know that He had chose me. Despite of all my wrong doings, my selfishness, still..He accepts me in His arms. He never failed to win my heart. With that, I know..no other knocks echo as His.
